I turned 21 almost 3 months ago. Over the past few weeks I’ve really been thinking about age and aging and time, and feeling like 21 years is just too much time, more time than anyone ought to have, and yet 100 years is not nearly enough time, and how old will I ever get to be, I could die tomorrow or when I’m 60 or when I’m 80, I’m the youngest in my family but I don’t want to be the last one alive-

etc, etc.

Anyway. I just found my very very first gray hair today.

It’s white and wiry. It’s kinda short.

It stands out a lot against my red hair.

It feels fake, like I got a strange fiber stuck in my hair. But when I pull it, it hurts, so I know it’s mine.

I wonder if I should pull it out.

Or keep it, and wear it on my head like a badge.

How can you feel so young and so old at the same time?